It has been hard and many tears runned through my cheeks cause I loved that man, but deep down I knew it was a relationship based on looking outward for love, before first deeply loving myself.

I started a journey that never ended of Self-Exploration and Self-Love.

A journey both Outward through many adventures throughout Sri Lanka, India, Thailand, Australia, Italy, Ibiza and Bali and Inward, as that was the focus of my searching.

Every day trusting and learning. Diving deep within myself and wondering: WHO AM I? WHO AM I?

Till one day during a Maithuna Ritual I finally went back HOME.
My Heart, the Universe.

Waves of Bliss running from my foot till my heart. The perception of Gravity completely changing. With Fear I was keep breathing more and more in the mystery within and without, till there was no more IN and OUT.

In Deep Surrender to the Sensations pleasuring my body I became a Body of Ecstasy.

Then finally Disintegration: I was no body anymore, but at the beginning there was still a perception of Identity separating Me from the Whole.

Luminosity and Darkness appearing as One in front of my “Eye”. Witnessing the Universe, its Silence. And then finally Being the Universe.

Little vibrating Particles of energies dancing in perfect Synchronicity in the full Emptiness and Eternity of the Whole.

The Fear is gone.

Just Pure Freedom, Bliss and Love, beyond Body, Space and Time.
Being just Energy, the body dissolving into Infinity.
Dissolution and Recreation: the Eternal Cycle.

Balls of blissed Light Energy intimately pleasuring my hands. The energy moving as I try to raise them up in a Namaste of deep Gratitude.

My arms so heavy. I can’t move. Too fast to go back into my identity of Self and into my Body.

A Pain in my shoulder for few days. Remembering myself to always slow down and not to care about what others say, including so called “Teachers”.

Asking myself: WHY TO COME BACK? I BELONG HERE.

SILENCE.

Answer: TO BE OF SERVICE.

Experience the substance of the body
And the World
As made up of vibrating particles,
And these particles made up of
Even finer energies.

Drifting more deeply,
Feel into each particle
As it condenses from infinity
And dissolves back into it
Continuously.

Noticing this, breathe easily
With infinity dancing everywhere.”